Podcast

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Anxiety following loss is a very real emotion, yet often it’s an overlooked symptom. It can appear from nowhere and most people attribute it to factors other than their grief. I went through my own bouts with anxiety following the loss of my daughter in April 2011 – panic attacks, massive anxiety. It took me a long time to get some understanding. I did so only after becoming a grief counsellor and seeing so many of my clients experience the same symptoms. It still returns but not with the same intensity.

It makes sense that loss causes anxiety. Losing someone we love puts us into a deeply vulnerable position. We experience a range of emotions unlike anything before. We are fiercely reminded of our mortality and the precariousness of life in general. We fear more loss and more unexpected events. We also live in a culture and society that isn’t great at supporting grief or with very long waiting lists. All of these in combination make the perfect recipe for anxiety.

Below is a list of steps for you to work through your grief and begin to get an understanding on your anxiety.

1. Learn a little about how anxiety works. Anxiety is the mind’s response to a fearful situation. Death and loss automatically sets off our fear-responders, putting you on alert and heightening physical sensations. Reminding yourself that this is a normal reaction and that it is our body’s way of managing stress can help keep you calm. Remember Samanthas Star statement. BE KIND TO YOURSELF

2. Check in with your grief. One reason we develop anxiety after a loss is due to unprocessed grief. Take some time to check in with yourself about your grief process. Are there emotions or memories that you are avoiding out of fear or pain? If so, open yourself up to doing some work in these areas (on your own or with the support of a professional) and doing so will be sure to ease the pressure on your accompanying anxiety. Talking activates the rational part of the brain and in turn helps how we act and behave.

3. Make amends. One of the reasons we get stuck in our grief and anxiety is because there is something left unsaid, or something we feel guilty about following a loss. Finding ways to make amends with your lost loved one can help with that pervasive sense of unease that comes with anxiety. 

4. Embrace resilience. Find ways to begin moving forward and healing. Sometimes we resist doing this because it feels like if we choose to move forward then it means we are letting go of our loved one. We will never get over losing a loved one but we will continually find ways through it and around it. It’s very normal to feel disloyal when we feel the normal grief symptoms less regular.

5. Write your way through. There is serious power in writing down how we are feeling both negative and positive emotions. Writing helps us explore our own process, release tension, and connect with our lost loved ones. Put a pen to paper to help ease some of that anxiety.

6. Understand how your brain works. Mentioned in paragraph 2Cognitive behavioural therapy is an intrinsic part of getting a handle on grief-related anxiety. Understanding how our thoughts work, and learning new methods to quell pervasive, repetitive and catastrophic thoughts is key to managing your anxiety. STOP THOUGHT PROCESS.

7. The power of meditation.Meditation may sound like a soft approach. Freeing yourself from pervasive thoughts and immersing yourself in the present moment can work wonders on the anxious mind. I have a number of clients, past and present who benefited tremendously from meditation.

8. Explore your connection to your loved one. This one is integral to healthy grieving and helps quash anxiety in return. Finding ways to develop an internal or spiritual relationship with your loved one will serve to bring you a greater sense of peace and compassion for your experience. 

9. Don’t go it alone. Grieving is lonely business, but it doesn’t have to be. One of the reasons we get so anxious is because we don’t know how we’re supposed to do this. Reach out and find some support, either in a grief group, one-on-one therapy or with a friend who understands. Support systems come in different ways but are key to the work you have to put in. I always tell my clients, children do homework and we do grief work.